How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
