just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
