like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
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he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
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I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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