I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
