I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
