She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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