At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.