so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
...so i touched it.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm