I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
