you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
