Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
