dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I smell stomach acid.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
