you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize