I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
