a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
