he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
