so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
