You work out of a Hotel?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
