this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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