dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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