Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
