Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Sorry my hands just texted you
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
