just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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