How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
