Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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