I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I smell like Dick and happiness
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
