Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
