you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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