So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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