Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
