Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
