i already hear my dad disowning me
I seem to have left my pride at pride
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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