well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
