today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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