My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
