Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
