Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
