"it" just moved
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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