At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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