I hate all girls vehemently.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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