i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
