i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
