Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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