why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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