It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
