Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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