How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
