She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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