I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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