Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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