Capitaan dildo arrescate!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize