If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
