It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
