My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
