ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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