You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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