god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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