Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
