No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
