He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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