He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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