just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
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It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
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When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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