Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
