She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
