I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
