Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
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I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
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I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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