I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
