then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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