Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
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Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
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We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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