i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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