Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My vagina is officially offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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