He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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