Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
