that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
