if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
